By Albert Khoury
Dear Singles Scene,
I’m 41 years old and single. I find myself feeling more and more alone as time goes by. For example, when I go out with my friends, it’s always a group of couples, whether they’re married or just dating. While everyone does what they can to make me feel comfortable, I still feel awkward.
I have had my fair share of girlfriends, but there’s always been a big gap of time in between them. I have currently been single for about three years.
While I don’t feel compelled to run out and date the first person I meet, I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I can’t blame everyone else for my spotty dating history, can I?
Sincerely,
Loner
Dear Loner,
First, you must understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Everyone lives life at their own pace and in their own way. You do not have to be with someone to live a fulfilling life.
With that said, if you are feeling lonely, then why not look for that special someone? You do not need to jump into anything but sit down and make a list of what you’re looking for and your dealbreakers.
Understand that you won’t likely find anyone that perfectly fits into your list, but it’s all about compromise. Date around, and if you feel a connection, you may relax your standards and even find new qualities you enjoy.
Ask your friends’ partners if they know anybody who is single. Join a dating app or two. Look up single events in your area. If you get out there enough, something (or someone, rather) will stick. There is no need to over think it – just enjoy the ride until the right one comes along.
Dear Singles Scene,
A girl I’ve been seeing for quite some time just dropped some big bit of information: She’s a single mother. We have been together for a few months and things were going great. I was annoyed, to be honest. Why did she wait so long to tell me?
She said she wanted to be sure that I was serious before she told me.
I understand where she’s coming from, but this surprise knocked me off balance. I have never dated anyone with kids (and I don’t have any of my own). Perhaps if I’d known upfront, I’d be better prepared, or maybe I wouldn’t have pursued things so far.
I don’t have much experience with kids, but this girl means a lot to me. She has a full-time nanny, so it hasn’t affected our dating life much.
I just feel that things have changed too much, and I don’t know what to do.
Sincerely,
See or Flee?
Dear See
That is a tough situation. You are not the father of the child and you have no responsibility towards the child, so this decision will be based entirely on you and your feelings. Do not let guilt affect where this goes. You went into this situation ignorant of the fact.
It is better that you know now before things get too serious. Now you must decide if you want to stick around. No matter how great her nanny is, this child will eventually play a larger role in your relationship. The mother will likely want you to meet her kid, and there will be times when the kid takes priority above all else, including you. Are you prepared for that?
If you want to give it a chance, then discuss it with your girlfriend and make it clear that you want to take it slow and see how it goes. Always be upfront and honest with your feelings as things progress.
If you find that it’s not for you, make it clear and move on. Don’t ghost her or slowly phase her out of your life. Take responsibility and let her know that it’s not what you’re looking for.
