One of the hardest things about living a military life is the separation from your spouse. Finding a way to connect across continents and time zones is one of the most important things you can do to maintain your relationship. 

Sometimes, your spouse might even be home, but they are working ridiculous shift hours; therefore, you barely see them. And when you do get to see them, they’re completely exhausted. 

There’s no getting around it: You’ll both have to continually give each other grace to keep your relationship going. You’ll both make mistakes and snap at each other. That’s ok. Apologize, forgive each other, and move on. 

It’s tough, but the rewards are next to none! You’ll have a partner for life through thick and thin. Here’s three ways to stay connected when you can’t meet in person.

Tip 1: Schedule your chats

The best way to stay connected with your spouse or significant other is to live video chat, but that’s not always an option when they’re 9 hours ahead of you or out on patrol. Instead, schedule your chats!

• Email stories from your day, and schedule them to send so they’ll be at the top of your spouse’s inbox when they wake up in the morning.
• Schedule good morning and good night texts on your private discord, whatsapp, or other messaging app for a little reminder that you’re thinking of them.
• Set up a special channel on discord for your most private chats, so they can quickly distinguish between an everyday chat and an important chat. This is helpful for updating your spouse about family members with illnesses or other personal messages that they may not want to open in public.
• Record videos with you and/or the kids, and schedule them to arrive right after your spouse’s shift. They’ll appreciate the pick-me-up, regardless of whenever they actually get to see them.

Emails, texts, or even hand-written letters can be a very personal way to communicate. They’re infused with your voice, tone, and mannerisms. When your spouse reads them, they hear your voice and smile at the thought of the look they know was on your face as you tell them a story about your day.

Nothing is too small to share. Include your spouse in the day-to-day, just like you would if they were at home with you. Those are the bits they miss the most.

Tip 2: Recommend a Song, Book, or Movie 

Share a feeling, a funny scene, or a catchy tune from a movie, book, or song with your spouse. Even if they’re stationed on the other side of the world, they can pop into bookstores, access audiobooks, stream music, and watch movies in theaters.

You don’t want to spoil a new movie or album that they’re waiting to see or hear, but you can share something funny that came up in your recommendations or while reading a new book.

Send them the next book in their favorite series. Recommend a hilarious new show you binged over the weekend. Create those inside jokes you’d have fun with if they were right next to you!

Did the kids come up with a funny song or play? Record it and send it via email or discord. It doesn’t have to be high quality. Your spouse will grin from ear to ear even if it’s grainy footage.

Tip 3: Send care packages

First, if your spouse or loved one is in basic training (boot camp), don’t send them a package. 

Those first few months are a big adjustment, for both your partner and you, but sending a package will at best make them homesick or at worst get them or their whole unit into trouble for sending them something they’re not allowed to have during training. 

The military discourages packages during this timeframe, but once they’re out of training, you can send as many packages as you want!

• US Post Offices provide free shipping supplies and special rates for miliary packages. Even if you’re sending a package internationally, you’ll only pay domestic prices if you’re shipping to your spouse’s APO/FPO/DPO address.
• Double check the customs form and the list of prohibited items provided by the post office before you ship anything internationally.
• Packages can take time to arrive. Consider shipping several months ahead of time for holiday packages going to a far-off international destination. 
• Don’t ship anything you wouldn’t want a stranger to see. Your spouse may not be the first one to open the package if it gets flagged for a security check. 

Even a small memento is a powerful link to home. Set up a monthly or quarterly package schedule that your spouse can look forward to and ask them what they want to get. 

Maybe it’s photos of you, your family, and your friends. Maybe it’s their favorite nonperishable snack. Whatever they’re missing that will bring a smile to their face!