April PCS – The invisible stressors of moving

Relocating is never “easy.” And while we all know we are going to have to do it at some point (probably more than once), it really doesn’t get any easier.

“Controlled chaos” is a good way to describe the life of a military family during PCS season. Once the orders are in hand, the checklists are created, and decisions must be made.

The Obvious Checklist: Logistical Decisions

The obvious decisions usually revolve around the physical move itself. Families must quickly figure out:

• Cleaning: If you’re currently in housing, do you hire someone to clean or do it yourself?
• Housing: Where will you live at your new duty station—on or off post?
• Travel Timing: Will you take extended leave for a family vacation along the way?
• Decluttering: Do you want to purge some items or put things in storage?
• Employment: What happens to the spouse's career?
• Moving Style: Are you going to move yourself (DITY/PPM) or let the military move you?
• Pets: What are the logistics and requirements for moving your animals?

The Hidden Checklist: The Cognitive Toll

Those are just some of the logistical items to consider. But what about a checklist for the cognitive toll relocating takes on a family? Decisions are often made under a great deal of pressure, which is mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Anticipatory Grief There is the anticipatory grief of leaving a structure of routines your family has come to know. Whether it’s community systems within schools, neighbors, church, gyms, or even the neighborhood park, these places have provided a community for you. You might begin to grieve what you’re leaving behind long before the moving truck arrives.

Identity Disruption for Military Spouses A PCS can very easily destabilize a military spouse in ways that no one sees from the outside. Military spouses, who often volunteer and hold vital community positions, can find their career and social momentum abruptly interrupted, causing a sudden identity disruption.

Ripple Effects on the Family While the parents are the ones dealing with the primary stressors and planning, there are often ripple effects for the rest of the household. Children (and even pets) may experience anxiety, which can cause disruptions in sleep. They may also become unusually clingy or even withdrawn as they process the impending change.

Leaning on Your Support Systems

Even though there are systems in place to prepare for the move, it’s important to remember to lean into those systems so you and your family can take care of the less obvious stressors.

While military families are incredibly resilient, resilience doesn’t mean families are immune to the unseen emotional toll. Military families keep building a “home” wherever they land, and it is vital to remember that you are never alone in this life transition.

Helpful PCS Resources

Here are some helpful resources for dealing with both the logistical and emotional stressors of a PCS:

• PCS Overview: Military OneSource Moving Guide
• Plan My Move Tool: Military OneSource Planning Tool
• Confidential Counseling: Military OneSource Confidential Help
• Healthcare Transitions: Tricare Moving Guidelines
• Education Support: Military Child Education Coalition